Prisoner Behind Glass

Craze of Love – Windows Live ~ by me 07.08.2005 - (often renamed)

He is starting to live where she lives on his screen
The perfect flower he created in his heart
The one that could not hurt him with her thorns
He washes the blood off his pierced hands with the dew on her petals.
Dangerous medicine for his not half cured wounds

He desperately embraces the danger
Her soft warm body, hot kisses
Painted on glass.

A prospector, insane through lonesomeness
Craving for the gold of her hair
While the gentle touch of her fingers creates
Only letters.

Words like honey drops are bitter manna for his starving soul
Stabbing his heart like poisoned knives.
Until he seeks ease
Diving into the quiet lake of her eyes
Secretly wishing to drown there when they close
So he would not have to ever leave.

He keeps walking the impossible forbidden path to her heart
In treacherous certainty that one day he will live there.

He delivers himself to these tender hands
To let the well known suffering they cause cover all those others he cannot control
The welcome pain, that tells him he is alive.

© ~ Neila ~ S. R. 2005

Where are You?

Where are You, my Rejuvenator?
Why do You not call me anymore?
I need to see myself through Your eyes once again.
Are You afraid I fell in love with You?
Because You said, that You love me?
Or did You want to end Your dream before it starts to hurt
Us Both?
There was no need for that, at least for me.

Where are You now?
In a new chatroom,
Looking for another dream to keep you happy for a while?
A new love without a future?

I miss You.
All I wanted was a Friend.
What were You looking for?
Not even You know that Yourself.

You are just lonesome in a crowd, like me.

Afraid to open your heart,
Overacting when You do by accident,
You turned around and fled.

Real feelings in a virtual world?
Yes, feelings are the only real thing here.
One day You will learn to reflect on them well.

Alas, too late for us.
Oh, how I hate to lose a friend because he falls in love with me!

I miss You, I still hope one day You might find out,
You can find friendship on the screen,
(No, not love, that is for the real world only,
For the matching person You can really touch.)

Perhaps then You remember me,
I'm always here, just a mouse click away,
Waiting for You to return.
Why did You have to call it Love before the end?
Why can You not be my Friend?

Just Wasting My Time ...

Whatever am I doing here, 

sitting at my screen??

My chat room is closed; 

I am just too tired to go to bed.

So I like to talk with strangers that 

I have never seen
I freely allow their crazy thoughts to give aches to my head
Concealing my gray sky 

with their black clouds
I am slowly but surely getting doubts…

Can I really find a friend behind this cold glass screen?
Well I don’t know, it almost seems so for a while…
We keep each other company, try mending broken dreams
While I write a tale or load another file.

Saying things like: ”Such is internet – don’t ever care too much!”
(For me neither! - In a sideline – I do not want your heart!)
I’m online just too often – yes, sure we’ll keep in touch.
However distant, we’re a mouse click apart.

So if you have to come to me to hear some little helpful lies
I have enough of them for everyone (but me) in store!
Your problem finds an open ear, and I hope good advice
But I have only words to give not more…

Ok, you may cry on my shoulder if that will comfort you
Perhaps I’ve re-encouraged you a bit before logout
I can’t brush those clouds away to make the sun break through,
Just search that little silver lining on your cloud.

Can I really be a friend behind this cold glass screen?
Well, I don’t know… I try my best to be.
But don’t take that for affection – I am not even real!
So don’t start crying on my shoulder over me!

Maybe you need a substitute, but I can’t bring your love to you!
Well, many times your eyes see clearer after getting wet.
Now don’t let my disillusions completely disillusion you…
But you cannot find your future through a chat!

Can you really find a friend behind this cold glass screen?
Well, I don’t know… at least you have found me…
Wished I could help you keep your spirits up – whatever may have been…
So until you’ve found someone better have a friendly chat with me!

What am I really doing here sitting at my screen?
Well, I don’t know – I just can’t get away
I’ve been in so many minds I wished I had not seen -
It seems better still than be alone all day.