and it is more addressed to women, but sure men may read ;).
This post is about Love, not about that other thing.
(And it is not about the romance scammers both genders must always be aware of. Easiest thing to find out, when you are not sure: don't trust, just because you want to! And always complain about how little money you have, how hard it is for you to find a job, or such things instead of bragging. Romance Scammers Want Your Money! If you (pretend to) have non, they might leave you. And don't worry: 'losing' such kind of ### is no loss, and doesn't tell anything about your attractiveness!
You will find (and in some cases be surprised) many men are indeed desperate and serious. So be sure the guy you talk with is someone you might consider.
Once started, a friendly answer can't be taken back. - And there are men around who misunderstand a simple "hi" for "Yes, I do".
Most promising candidates are:
- Men, who directly say they are lonesome, disappointed, divorced, separated, widowed. In their middle ages, at least over 30, the nearer your age the better - the nearer your place of course also, if you are looking for reality. (Save yourself and him from tearful, impossible long distance romance.) (This is meant serious.)
- Young men. You can be sure they really need you when they are driven to Cyberia by their individual reason you will soon detect.
- North Africans. No, it is unjust to think they all are only after a visa, some are even not bad up in their country and love to be there, they just have serious problems with their own women.... (which sure is their own fault, but this is another chapter on it's own.)
Of course, you have to be VERY careful (and at times very tough against sweet words) to make sure what they want.
- And don't forget, this is more than long-distance, so don't get involved and spare them false hopes.
(Or you want to feed your ego with quick results and need not too be choosy about the individual person?)
Considering this point, I must be serious again - it is just not funny. So please be fair and avoid specially the above mentioned categories of men, unless you can sure distinguish the less serious individuals among them. Anyways, getting them to court you is just too easy to be a challenge you could be proud to have mastered. - Go for a position as sex goddess instead, but avoiding cheap cyber- and cam-sex! How can you master this?)
Back to subject:
7. Be there - talk - LISTEN.
Now all can go on like it would in real life. I personally don't believe in long-lasting love at first sight or read, but it happens and follows the same rules: Come to know each other well before planning the future, be friends! Not just burning with mutual desire.
Test and prove the love, and so on and so on....
Still, two final little serious warnings: Yes, it is this easy to find Love on the Net. But first, in most cases, it is just an illusion. There are indeed people around who directly look for this illusion of love. And it gets so much harder when it is only one of two.
Second: when one is looking for a friend - the more serious s/he is, the more likely s/he is to hurt the other one who unavoidably develops either deeper feelings, or it is the other way round - anyway, I will never understand, why so many so deliberately search for possibilities to hurt themselves. And they unavoidably must meet their counterpart, the one that is after the thrill of easily finding someone to hurt with as little effort as a smile and a typed kiss. Don't be or fall for this!
(And it is not about the romance scammers both genders must always be aware of. Easiest thing to find out, when you are not sure: don't trust, just because you want to! And always complain about how little money you have, how hard it is for you to find a job, or such things instead of bragging. Romance Scammers Want Your Money! If you (pretend to) have non, they might leave you. And don't worry: 'losing' such kind of ### is no loss, and doesn't tell anything about your attractiveness!
- This is about Internet Love, of course, so: go online.
- Install a Messenger (for this purpose I mostly recommend Yahoo, but any other international service gives similar results) Update: The only Messenger left today is Skype. And for reasons of leisurely chatting: Do not use your real name! Yes, you can have more than one Skype accounts still. So get a separate one for chatting.
- Create your Persona and Choose your Nickname wisely.
If it starts with an A you have good chances to be on page one of any directory for a long time, even after you are not new anymore. But avoid signs before and specially aaa-things, these are reserved for 'professionals' - at least it was like that in the old Yahoo - and MSN - times. Names with more than 2 or 3 numbers were 'reserved' for Spammers and dumm Scammers - well, I really must write a new post about Romance Scams - Today, they are mostly 'Doctors', and still some (false!) high Military. Well, more about this later now back to the subject: Nickname for chatrooms and such.
I have no experience with more sweet nicknames; I guess those will be more attractive for tougher machos, so they might be a bit safer for you, (in case you are insecure if you could hurt someone by refusal.) Sweet and sexy names are more attractive generally, but they might attract even more lousy sex-chatters. Of course, you have the ignore button at hand always.
To find more interesting persons, choose something mysterious or funny, but never sexy. (The mere fact you are female lets you appear sexy anyways, even when you are a grandma.) - Obligatory: Go Chat Room-Hopping.
It speeds things up.
Don't expect to find a place for nice chat, but your existence is recognized. Obligatory: Fill in your Profile.
No, (seriously now) A Profile Is A Must !- Ok... You are online - your screen persona, that is - with your messenger set to open chat and all background work is done... You are set.
Now wait, until someone says "hi" in PM (if you are content with that) and answer.
A simple "hi" as an answer from your side is enough; you should not even yet intensify it with a smiley.
Later on, when you are over the beginner's state you will know how to distinguish how and who to answer.
(It helps when the caller has a profile. You can usually find his sentiments, at least between lines. And you can see a lot in a picture when you pay attention and can see the eyes well.
This is a chapter on its own and will follow soon.)
No man reads it, or the main facts are ignored on purpose, but as far as your conscience is concerned, you are on the safe side, when you tell them in advance what they can or can't expect.
Mind you, there is no way to escape it, so be fair with the poor guys, specially when you are NOT looking for love. Be (or sound) as honest as possible, and, if applicable, don't forget to state you are happily married.
Age is irrelevant, but mature ladies over 40 should not hide it.
You will be pleasantly surprised by the results...
Hey, Guys, maybe you really don't care who you chat with, as long as she is a female, but women do like to know a bit about you before they answer! They do check profiles.
Indeed, when you really are looking for contacts on a less lose basis you want to know who contacts you. Even I do, and I am looking for it. I still like a bit of communication in the Cyberian Leisure World inbetween online work. I never anymore answer to a mere "Hi", from a stranger. When I have really nothing better to do, I just might click on "Profile". When there is nothing but a blank page, I just close the windows without reaction.
And I delete any eMails, specially Add-Requests without message ("hi" is not a message), especially without a profile.
Persons without at least a minimal profile do not get noticed by anyone in any community. Perhaps in a chatroom, when they have really interesting things to say over a long period of time.
While I'm at it: a Picture makes the profile more interesting. Strangely enough, the style makes no difference at all. It can be ugly, scary or nice, most plain, or show your sweetest smile, be an avatar or any phantasy picture you can somehow identify with. (Remember, people, especially men, don't read. So any text can be in vain.) Without any picture, it is, as if there was no profile (browsing members in communities mostly can even hide profiles without pictures.)
Lastly remember: Anything by a woman in fact is considered sublimely sexy. So it would be overdone to show too much of your own skin unless you are up to cyber sex. (out of subject here, remember the title of this post.)
You will find (and in some cases be surprised) many men are indeed desperate and serious. So be sure the guy you talk with is someone you might consider.
Once started, a friendly answer can't be taken back. - And there are men around who misunderstand a simple "hi" for "Yes, I do".
Most promising candidates are:
- Men, who directly say they are lonesome, disappointed, divorced, separated, widowed. In their middle ages, at least over 30, the nearer your age the better - the nearer your place of course also, if you are looking for reality. (Save yourself and him from tearful, impossible long distance romance.) (This is meant serious.)
- Young men. You can be sure they really need you when they are driven to Cyberia by their individual reason you will soon detect.
- North Africans. No, it is unjust to think they all are only after a visa, some are even not bad up in their country and love to be there, they just have serious problems with their own women.... (which sure is their own fault, but this is another chapter on it's own.)
Of course, you have to be VERY careful (and at times very tough against sweet words) to make sure what they want.
- And don't forget, this is more than long-distance, so don't get involved and spare them false hopes.
(Or you want to feed your ego with quick results and need not too be choosy about the individual person?)
Considering this point, I must be serious again - it is just not funny. So please be fair and avoid specially the above mentioned categories of men, unless you can sure distinguish the less serious individuals among them. Anyways, getting them to court you is just too easy to be a challenge you could be proud to have mastered. - Go for a position as sex goddess instead, but avoiding cheap cyber- and cam-sex! How can you master this?)
Back to subject:
7. Be there - talk - LISTEN.
Just talk with him - for an average of 20 minutes - then he will declare himself. (It can be 5 minutes, and still true, would you belive this?) If not, you can relax and take a bit time to consider your own initial feelings.THAT'S IT - Done, You have attracted Love, now cultivate it.
Be quick and precise in doing this, because the only important thing is:
Be there for him if you want him and avoid to if you don't.
After an average of 3 chat sessions all will be clear:
Either you can communicate well, subject irrelevant, or it gets boring and you should initiate a polite quick end.
You get friendly feelings and he keeps calling you?
Now all can go on like it would in real life. I personally don't believe in long-lasting love at first sight or read, but it happens and follows the same rules: Come to know each other well before planning the future, be friends! Not just burning with mutual desire.
Test and prove the love, and so on and so on....
Still, two final little serious warnings: Yes, it is this easy to find Love on the Net. But first, in most cases, it is just an illusion. There are indeed people around who directly look for this illusion of love. And it gets so much harder when it is only one of two.
Second: when one is looking for a friend - the more serious s/he is, the more likely s/he is to hurt the other one who unavoidably develops either deeper feelings, or it is the other way round - anyway, I will never understand, why so many so deliberately search for possibilities to hurt themselves. And they unavoidably must meet their counterpart, the one that is after the thrill of easily finding someone to hurt with as little effort as a smile and a typed kiss. Don't be or fall for this!
Final Warning about my post: Do read between the lines! originally I posted this in the hope some of my chat-friends might read it and draw some conclusions from it. Now I updated it a bit, but it is still not a completely serious instruction, though it does contain truth.
